journey onWord with us

Through a series of circumstances which began a week ago Sunday, my days have blurred together.  Between the responsibilities of work and family, and mental and physical fatigue, it would be fair to say I don’t quite know which way is up today!  So I was hoping to find some encouragement or inspiration from my assigned apostle to blog about today.  I am happy to say that Nathanael did not disappoint.

He is called “Bartholomew” in all 4 lists of the apostles in Scripture.  The name Bartholomew clearly identifies him (in Aramaic), in regards to his family.  His name simply means “son of Tomai” from Cana in Galilee. The name Nathanael seems to have been given to him by Jesus – I have always found it fascinating the way Jesus had other names, even nicknames, for the 12 ( Peter, the Sons of Thunder, etc…).  Whichever name you prefer for this man, he is listed only once in all the Gospels and the book of Acts. Only the book of John provides insight into the man, his personality and his heart … and that is where we will look now.

Philip found Nathanael and said to him, “We have found him of whom Moses in the Law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.” Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?” Philip said to him, “Come and see.” Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said of him, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!”  Nathanael said to him, “How do you know me?” Jesus answered him, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.”  Nathanael answered him, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!”  Jesus answered him, “Because I said to you, ‘I saw you under the fig tree,’ do you believe? You will see greater things than these.”
John 1:45-50 (ESV)

We could talk about Nathanael’s rather rude comment about Nazareth; after all, Cana was not much better! But where I got my encouragement from this more obscure apostle was in verse 47.  Can you imagine the first words Jesus says to you being a compliment like that?  (“Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!”)

This give us a glimpse of the man. His heart was sincere. Jesus used the word Alethos, meaning truly, genuinely. And how did Jesus know this about Nathanael?  Because he saw him as he sat and studied, prayed and meditated on Scripture under the fig tree in his yard!! Let me give you some background. Houses at this time were very small and mostly consisted of one room.  Therefore, houses were stuffy and smoky, so fig trees were often planted nearby to offer shade.  These trees grew low to the ground with spreading branches; they offered good shade plus fruit.  People would often sit under these trees to escape the stifling heat of the house.  No doubt this is the case with Nathanael.  Jesus saw him (before He met him) and He knew his study, prayer, and yearning for the promised Savior was sincere. Wherever I am, whatever I am dealing with, whatever my desires, burdens, worries are, He sees me.  But here is the kicker … how did Nathanael respond?  He had heard enough, and he proclaimed, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God!” It seems that one apostle, even a lesser noticed one, got it right from the very beginning!

Early church records state that Nathanael ministered in modern-day Iraq, India and Armenia.  There is no definitive account of his murder, only traditional lore.  One story claims he was tied in a sack and cast into the sea, while another talks of his crucifixion.  Whichever way he died, he lived faithful to the end knowing God saw him wherever he was in this world, whatever circumstance he was in.  And knowing that, you and I can face another day and another challenge.

Their story is truly our story.

Today is Labor Day, and I trust you are enjoying the end of summer and the launch to the conclusion of another year. As you pause before the inevitable rapid pace of the fall season, the Thanksgiving holiday and a typically busy march toward Christmas, accept the following words of challenge for our lives. This article represents a temporary pause in considering the stories of the apostles, but I feel strongly that the words will resonate with you.

All that surrounds us tends to affect us. None of us would like to admit the extent to which external circumstances dominate our internal thought patterns. Whether people or events, something on the outside is always clamoring for our attention. Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius gave us a humorous, yet perceptive insight centuries ago: I am going to be meeting people today who talk too much — people who are selfish, egotistical, ungrateful. But I won’t be surprised or disturbed for I can’t imagine a world without such people.

Nor should we! Frustrating people and emotional circumstances will always surround us.  However, they should also never dominate us. Under our own power, those words are easier said than done.  But in Christ, we have the power to live inside out.

In my personal reading, I was reminded of a devotional book written early in the last century. The book, written by James Allen, is titled, As a Man Thinketh.  The inspiration for the title and text was taken directly from Proverbs 23:7(a): For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. It resonated with me that so much of how we view life is driven by the controlling influences of our mind. We will always be confronted with positive and negative circumstances, but they should never control us internally. However, since everyone has daily battles within, it is important to be clear that God understands our struggle and gives guidance. All Christ-followers have His Spirit to direct us, His Word to teach us, and the freedom to communicate with Him in Christ. Availing ourselves of what God has provided can change our view of life from the inside out by the transforming of our minds.

So where are your thoughts, and how are they controlling your days and weeks? James Allen said: “You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts will take you“. Frankly speaking, most of us have some ingrained habits of the mind which cloud our perspective. With the renewing power of the Holy Spirit, change can come. It is imperative that our lives go from being dominated by all that surrounds us to being directed by His Spirit. Any Christ-follower can live with the mind of Christ. Whether our weeks (and people) are great or incredibly draining should never be the issue. The real issue should be: is my mind being renewed, and are my thoughts in line with God’s perspective.

If you know Christ and are struggling from the outside in, determine to reverse that order today (to living inside out). You may have found it is easier to be more frustrated than patient, and more overwhelmed than at peace. Having the mind of Christ takes discipline, but the results are worth it. Let this principle guide you … when I allow my life to be controlled by His Spirit, I will handle all that surrounds me well. For an on-looking world to ever see our faith working, we must think right, because how we think will determine how we live.

If all that surrounds you is invading you, you can change….Will you?

The story of Jesus’ earthly life is as compelling as any you’ll ever read, and its characters are as unlikely as they could possibly be.  The woman chosen to carry and give birth to the King of Kings was (to that point) an unwed teenager.  The audience to which the glorious news of Jesus’ birth would be first and supernaturally announced was a small group of social outcasts — the shepherds watching their flocks that night.  Jesus’ closest friends, the men with whom the responsibility for spreading the gospel to the world was left, were highly ordinary and equally flawed.  Yet, in and through countless people, Jesus lived out his sacred purpose of loving and redeeming the world.

The apostle Matthew was one of those closest to Jesus.  He was specifically chosen and invited by Jesus to follow Him, learn from Him, and carry the message of His love to the ends of the earth.  While the majority of those Jesus offered that same invitation to were simple tradesmen, Matthew was a skilled professional.  He was a tax collector (one of the most reviled and corrupt occupations in the ancient world).  His life was consumed by money, accumulating it both for the state and himself.

If Jesus desired to build a team that would increase his popularity with the people, Matthew was one of the poorest possible choices.  If His desire was to show the love of the Father and how a life could be powerfully and permanently changed by it, then perhaps there was no better choice.  The story of Matthew’s call to follow Jesus reads very similar to the other disciples.  Jesus says, “Follow me,” and Matthew gets up and follows (Matthew 9:9).  There is no hesitation.  There is no holding onto even a shred of the only life that he knows.

In the story of Matthew’s calling, I see two things of significant note.  First, he takes on a new name.  His given name was Levi, but the name Jesus spoke was Matthew.  It is not clear whether Jesus was directly responsible for the name change or whether the intent was Matthew’s, but it is clear Matthew left every bit of his old life behind in following Jesus.  Can you relate to the feeling of all things being new when Jesus called out to you?  How powerful it is to throw off every bit of what you possess in this life, even your very identity, to embrace and walk true to who Jesus says you are.  Whether it comes at the moment of belief, or in a forward moment of following Jesus, I believe everyone hears Him call their name.  As we are created in His image, there is a sacred part of us who knows our Creator’s voice.  Have you heard that call?  Did you embrace it, and are you walking true?

It has been so good to focus, as we have recently, on the lives and calling of Jesus’ disciples.  One of the things I have taken unique note of, is their initial responses to accepting the call.  Andrew found and brought his brother Peter to Jesus.  Philip raced out to find his friend Nathanael.  I love the honest, unfiltered response of bringing people to meet Jesus after He calls your name.  In Matthew’s case, he filled his home with tax collectors and sinners to share a meal with Jesus.  How amazing and raucous that dinner party must have been.  Or maybe it was awkward, but I highly doubt it.  In the Bible, it is repeatedly recounted that Jesus was found in the company of sinners.  These were His people, and it just makes sense to me that real sinners were not intimidated by or shy around Jesus.

One of my most favorite rebuffs of the religious elite was spoken at that dinner party.  In overhearing a question posed to the disciples by the Pharisees as to why Jesus was eating and drinking with “tax collectors and sinners,” (Matthew 9:11) He speaks these words:

“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Matthew 9:12 (NIV)

Oh the simplicity that confounds “the wise.”  I didn’t come to form a clique, Jesus says.  I came to spend every waking moment of every day with those who really need Me.  I don’t need you to calculate and communicate what you can give up for me; I need you to bend down towards the least of these, sit in the middle of a season of suffering with the oppressed, turn your cheek to the angry, feed and clothe those you are tempted to turn your eyes from.  Mercy is what I desire.  I took on human flesh to redeem and heal the sick.  My choice and my suffering will be seen and heard by them, and not by those who insist they are not like them — the “healthy ones” who cannot see or feel the fatal sickness that ravages their body.

In Matthew’s calling, I have been reminded of my own ocassions of hearing the voice of Jesus.  I have taken great comfort and encouragement in the striving to walk true to who He says I am.  I have found renewed challenge in my great opportunity and mission to bring others to meet Jesus.

What about you?  Have you heard the call of Jesus?  Is He calling out to you now?  If He is, and you’re looking for someone to come alongside in that conversation, we are here for you.  If you are following Him, do you know the name He calls you?  Are you walking true, or is it time you stop, turn and begin walking again in the direction of who He says you are?

Every one of us has a person like this in our life — maybe at work, or in the family. They’re a pessimist and a worrywart; they are brooding, and they always see the glass half empty.  They have a melancholic personality – just like the disciple Thomas …“Doubting Thomas.”  But the name he was labeled with throughout history was quite unfair, as we will see. Mike wrote about this in our last blog posting, but please bear with me as we take a second look at this verse in John 11.

Then Thomas (also known as Didymus) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”
John 11:16

To begin, the name Didymus means “the twin”.  So we know Thomas had a twin brother or sister, but they are never identified in Scripture.  Also, Thomas seems very committed to Jesus in this verse; he is ready to die with him.  Let me set the context here:  Jesus has just received word that Lazarus is sick, and he has been asked to hurry to his bedside.  Lazarus lived in Bethany, just on the outskirts of Jerusalem.  Opposition to Jesus had been building, so the disciples knew that going back to Bethany could mean an arrest for all of them.  But Thomas says, “Let’s Go!”  Pessimistic? Yes, but also courageous and loyal.  What he was really saying was, “I don’t want to live without Jesus.”  He must have been convincing, because everyone followed Jesus to Bethany.

Now, fast forward to the days following the crucifixion and the first time Jesus appears to the disciples.  Everyone is there … except Thomas!  How could he have missed this?!  Because, as a melancholic he was probably in bed sick, wallowing in his misery, seeing no one, feeling betrayed, forsaken and brokenhearted.  But the others sought him out and told him they had seen the risen Jesus.  To which Thomas utters the famous words that labeled him “Doubting” for all history:

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
John 20:25

Now, don’t be too hard on Thomas; the others did not believe Mary Magdalene, or the two men on the road to Emmaus.  They also only believed when they saw.  But then something absolutely amazing happened.  Jesus appeared before the disciples again and this time Thomas was there.  Jesus was so kind and gentle with Thomas.  After all, who understood his personality better than Jesus?  Look at this:

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!”  Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”  Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
John 20:26-28

Thomas got it!  After traveling with Jesus for a year and a half, worrying, questioning and yes, doubting, Thomas got it!  “My Lord and My God!”  It was at this point that Thomas was transformed into one of the greatest evangelists of his time.  Many historical accounts point to Thomas ministering in India for the greater part of the rest of his life.  And in a fitting death, Thomas died after being run through with a spear – fitting for the disciple whose faith became real when he saw the spear mark in the side of his Savior.

What will it take for you to proclaim, “My Lord and My God!”?

Perception often becomes our reality. It is especially true that perception becomes reality in the way we view others. I’m sure there is someone in your life that at one time you viewed in a negative light, only to find out later how wrong you were.  I must admit to sizing up the dominate characteristics of people quickly and forming my opinion based on them. Often, in creating a perception of that person (my reality), I have ignored their redeeming qualities. I am confident I am not alone in this. It is so easy to do!

To my discredit, I have done this with a man in Scripture.  I allowed one particular characteristic to define him.  I believe this is true of many, and that you too may tell a similar story of misconception.  It is so easy to do! The man is Thomas (did you already guess?), and when someone would say “Thomas,” I would think “doubter.” In truth, there was so much more to his life than his occasion of doubting.

Thomas is listed only once in the books of Matthew, Mark and Luke. Each one lists him as an apostle, but you will find no further details of his life. It’s in the book of John where we learn about this man whom we tend to perceive as the doubter (which is what he did, but not necessarily who he was). In John 20:24-29 we read of the post-resurrection scene which creates the view of Thomas most of us have framed in our minds. If we look beyond his doubt, however, we find another scene which is a picture of courage and devotion.

In my study, some of the words which stood out about this man were melancholy, pessimist, worrywart, brooder … not so flattering, I would say. But there are also the words, loyal, devoted and courageous which were demonstrated in John chapter eleven. Quite frankly, the latter words give me a far better perception and broaden my reality in viewing Thomas.

Most Christ-followers know the scene. It’s when Jesus delays going to Lazarus when he was sick and died. Jesus did everything on purpose and this was no exception. He waited to go for a reason, and we all know the miraculous raising of Lazarus from the dead. In the midst of this story in John 11:1-16, we find the first reference of Thomas speaking in the Gospels. Verse sixteen speaks these words:

So Thomas, called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

Jesus was determined to go to Bethany, and the disciples were against it. There was great danger there and just a few days before, the people in Judea had tried to stone Jesus.  Isn’t it interesting that the first recorded words of this man we call “the doubter” are words, in my estimation, of courage and great devotion to Jesus.  He was willing to go with Christ, even if it meant death.  His words were a challenge to the other disciples and to all of us who are following Him today.

So this man, I have chosen to perceive primarily as a doubter (my reality), has become so much more to me. He was a man, who at great potential peril to himself, had the courage to say….. “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”  We can’t deny his doubting, but neither should we deny his courage. I see my story in his doubting … I also want to see my story in his courage!

It’s been an interesting journey this week forming my personal reflections on the Apostle Philip.  Although John and Peter are apostles in whom I see more of myself, I share a deep and meaningful thing with Philip … a name.  Many who know me (even some who know me well) will find that surprising.  For they know me only as Mark.  This is the name my parents chose to call me, but the full name they gave me is Philip Mark.  So this is where I began this week, searching for more of myself in this sparingly mentioned apostle.  I traveled a fair amount of ground, but never strayed far from one single spot … Jesus finding Philip and Philip finding Nathanael.

As one who has been known to write 40 words where only 8 are needed, I have learned the beauty and value of brevity.  There is nothing quite like a collection of a few carefully chosen and crafted words which tell the entirety of a story in the kind of detail which explodes in vivid color and sprouts shoots of new growth in the heart and mind of the reader.  Such is the story of Jesus finding Philip and Philip finding Nathanael.

Jesus had just offered His very first invitation to a disciple who would willingly choose to follow Him.  The disciple was Andrew, and Jesus’ words were “Come and you will see.” (take note of those words from John 1:39)  The first thing Andrew did was find his brother Simon (Peter) and bring him to Jesus.  What a powerful first response – to find someone you love deeply in this world to introduce to the Love which is not of this world.

The first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, “We have found the Messiah” (that is, the Christ). And he brought him to Jesus.
John 1:41-42 (NIV)

The very next day, Jesus decided to move on from where He was, and this is how the Gospel of John records what happens next:

Finding Philip, he said to him, “Follow me.”
John 1:43 (NIV)

The Bible does not document Philip’s response … or in its silence, does it?  Philip follows Jesus and his first response is very similar to Andrew’s.

Philip found Nathanael and told him, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.”
John 1:45 (NIV)

I love Nathanael’s response in the very next verse…

“Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?” Nathanael asked.

What an incredibly blunt response, which I believe we can all relate to.  We would love to think we would respond “How high?!” when someone invited us to “Jump!” in the direction of Jesus.  But did we on first invitation, and do we in following Him since?  If I “loved” Nathanael’s response, it’s likely because I can relate.  But even more, I LOVE and want Philip’s response to be true of how I live my life in sharing Jesus with those who God gives me opportunity.

Philip says … “Come and see.”

Philip uses words nearly identical to those of Jesus’ first ever invitation to follow.  They are the words I desire to be true of my life as it draws and points people in the direction of why the love I show them seems not of this world.  “Come and see,” I say, by the posture I choose in serving.  “Come and see,” I say, as I choose to be silent and just sit with someone in the midst of deep loss or testing.  “Come and see,” I say, when I’m asked the question and one who does not yet believe expects me to give them The Answer they are seeking.

This week, in the space of three words on a printed page I experienced the entirety of the story exploding in vivid color with the promise of shoots of new growth.  “Come and see.”  May this be our story as we share His with a world that is broken, hurting and thirsty for a cup of Living Water.

There are four lists in Scripture naming the Twelve Apostles.  Philip is named fifth in every list.  Scholars believe this can be interpreted as meaning he was the leader of the “second group” of four – Philip, Nathanael (Bartholomew), Matthew and Thomas.  By most standards, Philip played a minor role in the account of the Twelve; in fact, his name is never mentioned in the Gospel of Matthew, Mark or Luke!  Only the book of John makes reference to this man.  But don’t be fooled — like the rest of the Twelve, Philip was used by God greatly in the early church.

If you zero in on the accounts in the book of John where Philip is involved, it is easy to piece together some characteristics of the man.  When he was first recruited by Jesus Christ, he readily believed … and then went straight to Nathaniel to tell him who he had met.  He was most likely already a student of the Scriptures and his heart was ready for the Savior.  Philip also seems to be very pragmatic and analytical … a realist.  And as is the case with all of us, an asset can become a liability.  Let’s look at a favorite story of mine as a child, the story of the loaves and fishes.  This time, however, let’s concentrate on Philip and his reactions.

Lifting up his eyes, then, and seeing that large crowd was coming toward him, Jesus said to Philip, “Where are we to buy bread, so that these people may eat?”  He said this to test him, for he himself knew what he would do. Philip answered him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread would not be enough for each of them to get a little.”
John 6:5-7

Scripture refers to 5,000 MEN in the crowd; with women and children, there could have been anywhere from 10,000 to 20,000 hungry people there!  Practical Philip had probably already been counting heads.  It was approaching supper time and no one seemed to be preparing to go.  The closest McDonalds was about 2,000 years away.  Jesus turns to Philip and asks where they could possibly go to buy enough food to feed everyone.  I suppose Jesus could have chosen to ask Philip because he was the organizer, the advance man who reserved lodging and meals for the group.  But Scripture is clear as to Jesus’ intentions in asking in verse 6 where it says, “… he said this to test him …”

Jesus knew these men better in the 18 months they traveled together than they knew themselves.  He knew their strengths and weaknesses, and he knew what Philip would say before he said it.  Jesus may have been testing Philip, but he was also training Philip.  From a practical, earthly perspective, it WAS impossible to buy enough food to feed all those people.  But from a heavenly, divine perspective it was a piece of cake (pun completely intended).  Philip had traveled with Jesus for months and he had seen Him perform miracle after miracle.  Yet he still said all the money they had would never be able to feed those people.  I like the way John McArthur says it in his book, Twelve Ordinary Men.  Paraphrasing, McArthur said Philip had looked into the face of God for months and still did not “get it.” His earthbound thinking made him miss the power of the Son of God whom he lived with each day.  Oh, the mundane things in our lives: the stresses, the busyness, the bills, the kids.  All these earthly concerns focus our thoughts and attention on the physical (the right here and right now), and severely limits the power of our God in our lives.

We get another glimpse of Philip in John chapter 12; a heartbreaking exchange between himself and Jesus Christ at the last supper.  In spite of Philip’s narrow vision, God used him greatly in the early church.  Foxe’s Book of Martyrs records that Philip was the second apostle to die (8 years after the first, James).  He was stoned to death, in what is modern-day Turkey.

For all his wrong thinking, Philip is responsible for multitudes coming to Christ.  He didn’t think he could feed them on that one particular day, but he learned that they never had to hunger or thirst again through the Gospel he carried afar.

His story is our story.

If you would take an honest look at yourself, I am sure you would admit to definite areas of weakness.  And without much prodding, you could likely list recent times and places where your less than perfect self was on display. For me, weaknesses often overshadow the areas of life which bring me great joy. It is my firm opinion that most individuals have a sense that these persistent weaknesses are just a part of our lives. The result of this thinking is bondage, and a resolve to believe, “that’s just the way I am.”  So the question that we must ask ourselves is, “can I really change?” — or more importantly, “am I willing to change?” I believe John did!

You know him as the man who wrote the Gospel of John, 1^st, 2^nd, and 3^rd John and the book of Revelation. Jesus called him and his brother James, the Sons of Thunder. He was part of Christ’s inner circle (along with Peter and James) and there are those who describe him as “the apostle of love.”  That title may lead someone to believe John was meek and mild, but I am here to confirm this great servant of God was anything but meek and mild.

Being one of the Sons of Thunder should give us a small sampling of John’s demeanor.  In studying his life, words like aggressive, ambitious, judgmental, sectarian, and narrow-minded were used to define him. My Chronological Study Bible stated that John, like his brother James, “shared a tendency for outbursts of selfishness and anger.” It is fascinating to me that Christ’s inner circle was positioned with three strong-willed, forceful personalities. And that, like Peter and his brother James, John was used so dramatically for the cause of the gospel.  James was the first apostle martyred, and John was the last to die.

This ambitious, and sometimes selfish, man changed. In studying his life, I am convinced the work God did in John’s life can absolutely be repeated in yours today. Several years ago, I read the following words in a book titled Twelve Ordinary Men (by John MacArthur) which I have never forgotten …

But John aged well. Under the control of the Holy Spirit, all his liabilities were exchanged for assets. Compare the young disciple with the aged patriarch, and you’ll see that as he matured, his areas of greatest weakness all developed into his greatest strengths. He’s an amazing example of what should happen to us as we grow in Christ—allowing the Lord’s strength to be made perfect in our weakness.

The love of Christ truly changed John and he became known as a man of love.  John was a man who stood for the truth and his gospel and epistles displayed such. He used the word truth often, but interestingly enough, he used the word love far more often.  What a wonderful message for all of us to convey — standing firm for the truth, balanced by a heart of love.

God chose a long life for John. He outlived the other 11 disciples and like them, died as a martyr. It must have been very hard to see his companions go one by one, but God had a different plan for John. He was ultimately banished to a prison on the isle of Patmos. It was there he received and recorded the content of Revelation.  Just think of his legacy …..The Gospel of John, the three epistles and Revelation.

Don’t think for a minute that God changed John’s personality. He was changed by the power of God, and for that we can all be thankful. Look at his legacy of love and truth to us. But John’s story begs the question for all of us … will his story become our story?

Will you let weaknesses be changed to strengths by the power of God?

The book and character of John have been so instrumental in my return to the faith I experienced as a child.  In coming of age, I encountered the battles which are so common to young men and women.  I found my faith battered, bruised and dulled after repeatedly choosing to fight in the perilous provinces of silence and isolation.  I never doubted the love of my parents, but my mind’s eye too often saw a look of disgust and disappointment on God’s face in response to my sins.

More than a few years ago (against my “better” judgement), I joined a small group of more-like-brothers-than-friends who met at a local breakfast place each Wednesday morning.  I remember the book they were in the midst of studying (Wild at Heart, by John Eldridge) and the excitement and engagement I felt from the very first morning when one of the men walked in, threw their book down on the table and said, “I don’t like this book, and I don’t have a wound!”  It was just the dose of “righteous” indignation I needed to be jolted out of my safe zone of faith and into the mess of returning to something which was real.

I remember the first book of the Bible we chose to study together.  It was the book of John, and I have distinct and vivid recollections of feeling as though I had met Jesus for the first time in a long time as we poured over its pages.  John was passionate and assertive, and his storytelling was equally so.  He loved Jesus deeply, and the words the Holy Spirit spoke through him had me full-out, falling in love with Jesus all over again (just as I had as a child).

At the very same time, the men in our small band of brothers and the character of John spoke the critical truth of our fallen and broken selves.  All were imperfect.  All would be quick to confess it.  The spit and shine which seems so prevalent in our churches and relationships of faith was absolutely absent on those Wednesday mornings over eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast.  And I found “the disciple whom Jesus loved” to be just as much of a train wreck as I was sure I was.

I found a kindred spirit in the person of John.  He loved and failed with equal ferocity.  He was a genuine friend of Jesus.  He was a leader in the small group of twelve. Jesus asked John to care for his mother after He was crucified.  Yet, John was also rebuked by Jesus for forbidding someone to cast out demons in Jesus’ name because he wasn’t part of the twelve (Mark 9:38-41). He was caught arguing on multiple occasions as to who was the greatest among the disciples.  And in reading his account of the story of he and Peter running to the tomb on the morning of Jesus’ resurrection, it’s clear he wanted the world to know he got to the tomb first (he mentions it three times! – John 20:1-10).  In these stark contrasts I see myself.  I see the kind of disciple I might have been had God chosen that path and purpose for me.

I find it fascinating that John repeatedly referred to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.”  I wonder if you believe the critique I’ve heard many times in conversation or from the pulpit.  I wonder if you believe those words were evidence of pride or John seeking to place himself positionally above the other disciples.  There is a part of me which could easily believe that, but the whole of me does not.  The part of me which wants to believe that is the same part which “saw” the disgust and disappointment on God’s face as He looked back at me.  It is the part of the more “mature” me who still battles with strong feelings of being less than or who doesn’t really believe that God loves unconditionally.

The whole of me chooses, instead, to hear John’s true self speaking the truth of what he believes about Jesus – and himself.  I hear John’s genuine belief, above all other things, that Jesus loves him.  John’s life appears defined by Jesus’ love.  He accepts it and receives it fully.  His name is irrelevant.  He is the one whom Jesus loves.

I want to live my life this way.  I want to humbly describe myself in those same words.  I want to believe that about Jesus – and myself.  Lord, help me in my unbelief.

I, and you, are the ones whom Jesus loves – loves without further clarification, definition or condition.  Will you choose to believe that about Jesus?  Will you choose to believe that about yourself?

He was a member of Christ’s “inner circle” of apostles.  He was one of the first to be called … and the first to be martyred.  His name is always paired in Scripture with his brother, John … except at his murder.  Even though Scripture is brief in its account of the life of James, I found an encouraging nugget of promise as I read and thought about this passionate disciple.

There are some interesting tidbits in Scripture which give cause for speculation as to what could be the “rest of the story” in regards to James.  There is some historical evidence that his father, Zebedee, was a Levite and possibly related to the high priest in Jerusalem.  Could it be that James gained entrance into the courtyard of the high priest for Peter on that fateful night when he denied Christ three times?  I wonder.

Others feel James may have been “second in command” behind Peter.  His name followed Peter’s in two of Scripture’s listing of the Twelve.  I wonder if James ever felt he should be number one.  This is what I would like to focus my thoughts on today.

Jesus teased James and his brother by calling them the “sons of thunder.”  The connotation is some sparks flew between the brothers on occasion.  This nickname implies passionate, opinionated men.  A trait such as this could result in one of two outcomes.  They would either flame out (with their passion and ambition getting the better of them) or they would allow God to mold and guide them to be a firebrand for the Gospel.  To his credit, James chose the latter path.  My favorite account about James (and his brother John) can be found in Matthew 20:20:

Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came to him with her sons, and kneeling down she asked him for a favor.  He said to her, “What do you want?” She replied, “Permit these two sons of mine to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom.”  Jesus answered, “You don’t know what you are asking! Are you able to drink the cup I am about to drink?” They said to him, “We are able.”  He told them, “You will drink my cup, but to sit at my right and at my left is not mine to give. Rather, it is for those for whom it has been prepared by my Father.”

In Jesus’ training of the Twelve, he had already told them they would sit on 12 thrones in Heaven and judge the 12 tribes of Israel.  Well, this apparently caught the attention of the 2 brothers and their mom (obviously the apple did not fall far from the tree!).  They had no idea what they had just asked Christ.  Jesus was referring to everything which would be poured into the “cup” of his upcoming Crucifixion (including taking the sins of everyone for all time on Himself), but the brothers claimed they were able to “drink” the same cup as He.  They were clueless.  I like the way John McArthur puts it in his book, Twelve Ordinary Men:  “James wanted a crown … Jesus gave him a cup of suffering.  He wanted a place of honor … he got a martyr’s tomb.”

Foxe’s Book of Martyrs gives the historical account of James’ murder.  Remember Herod who beheaded John the Baptist? Well, his nephew Herod Agrippa I, ordered the beheading of James.  All the way to the site of his execution, James loudly proclaimed the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  His guard became so convicted that he finally admitted that he had been a secret follower of Christ; he asked James to forgive him for not speaking up for Christ earlier.  James reportedly replied, “Peace be with thee,” and then kissed the guard.  Together they died by the sword of the executioner.

James – passionate, opinionated, ambitious, hot-tempered … conceited?  Somewhere along his journey, he allowed God to mold him into a man of grace, compassion and bravery.  God used him greatly in the early church … and God can use us greatly in our church, our family, and workplace if we let him work on some of our rough edges.  Let’s start today … and remember their story is every bit our story.